Spent Sunday night....and last night for that matter with Mr Flash. Bless him, he got all grumpy cuz he couldn't get the voicemail to work on his new iphone.

My old manager came up to me yesterday and said that she'd heard I was leaving. No congratulations, nothing supportive. Just a very accusitory "aren't you happy here?". She may be happy working for the same firm for 5 years but thats because she's had the oppotunity to move up!! There's no more oppotunities so I'm moving on. End of.

I am actually finding it hard to concentrate. The excitement about the job and the fact that my trip to Oz is just 5 weeks away (!!!!!!!!) has got me all jittery. Can't believe it's so close. Been talking about that forever haven't I? Ah well.

Got a meeting with my new manager (at the new job) tomorrow morning to discuss the role a little more. Forgot my bloody memory stick with all the info I wanted to print off so will just have to find it again. What to sound like I know what I'm talking about. I do know what I'm talking about but.... you know what I mean!!!!

Right even though its only 8am, i'm off to start some work cuz I have lots of it!!

xoxoxoxo

Yes dear readers it's been one turbulent weekend. It all started Friday when I told my regional manager I was leaving. Think I've already said but she took it rather well.

Friday evening I was in a panic because I couldn't find any decent shoes for my cousin's wedding on sat. A trip down to White Rose soon sorted that. Whilst there got a message from M "We need to talk at some point this weekend".

Uh oh.

I text him back and then decided to ring. If we were over I wanted to know now and not be worrying all weekend. The response I got was.... " I just don't think things are working out!. My respose? "Have you cheated on me?". silence. Question answered. Phone down. Move on.

Actually I then went on to do something a little dumb - I went to see Mr Flash. Despite me cursing him something silly at Bar Ha Ha the other week we've remained close, chatting on the phone every couple of days and generally being just mates. Shove that. I just found out I'd been cheated on and I wanted M out of my system and there was only one man that could do the job. He'd already invited me round to watch a DVD and the rest was.... inevitable.

So saturday...... The day of the wedding!!!!

Got down there in good time. In fact, I turned up to the curch around 45 minutes early lol. Bride looked amazing. groom was very nervous. i've never been a fan of church weddings (all those hymns and prayers!!) so I'll gloss straight to the reception. I was on a table full of 30 somethings - none of which I knew. All wanted to get coked up and no-one had brought any (such a shame). Anyways wasn't all that thrilling so loaded up on the champagne (Veuve Arnaud) and then got a lift back to the hotel with dad (whom I'm getting on with quite nicely now!!)

Back at the hotel / pub I lost the rents and went back to bar for a drink and a cig. Got chatting to this lad from the Navy. We both later admitted that we wanted to fuck each other's brains out within 5 mins of meeting. Have to admit the night turned out very well!!! Although with only around 4 hours sleep i felt awful.

The random traffic jam on the way back didn't help. Adding a full hour onto my journey. Got back home, quick change, grab some work stuff and striaght to.... yes i don't even need to say it. He's ordered in Chinese. We started watching Hell Boy but I fell asleep curled up on his chest after half an hour or so.

Don't get any ideas. I'm not going to be whining about him. Just maybe sleeping with him from time to time. Yes he's an arse but I needed him this weekend.

THis latest incident with M just proves, once again that I am unlucky in love and quite frankly it's like to stay that way. I've got a new job to worry about. I'll leave the love chasing for someone else.

xoxoxox

I got the job and do you wanna know the best bit? There was meant to be a second stage but the marketing manager decided I was so good that he wasn't going to bother and wanted to hire me right away. How amazing is that!!!!

Anyways it means a £6k pay rise and an extra 5 days a year holiday.

I'm soooooooo excited!!!!

Just got to figure out how I'm going to break it to my boss here. Anyone ever done a really good resignation letter???

email me at: libbysblog@hotmail.com

xoxoxox
xoxoxox

Well I had my interview yesterday morning. I was in there for an hour but it seemed alot longer. Usual stuff - talked about the company, my CV, what I'd done in relation to the job spec etc.

Anyways, spoke to the agency guy today and it all seems positive. The guy interviewing me was going into a meeting so didn't give a firm yes or no as to whether I'd got through to the second round but it looks good!!!!

Fingers crossed eh?!

In other news I've found out today that the boy (remember him?) has a new girlfriend. I hope for his sake that she's not too intelligent. Was very wierd. Looked at photos of him today and he looks so dopey. Ah well you live and learn.

Turns out that my affair with Midi has spread even further. He's blaming me but I've not said anything to anyone else. Anyways another girl in his dept obviously has a big crush on him considering the wording of the email he forwarded on lol.

And as for M..... well at the moment we're very happy. got to meet a load of his friends at the weekend and have even added a few of them onto facebook. Going out with one of the girls Monday night for drinks. I'm still thinking about Mr Flash but I'm making it clear everytime we're in contacts (yes we are still are lol) that we're friends. He's finding this painful and will never see me face to face again as he just gets horny. Honestly, he's 34 he should have grown out of that surely??!!!

Saw Lauren yesterday too. I felt really bad because two of her friends were round who also have kids and to be honest I just wasn't up for it so when Charls text to say she was making dinner I was secretly glad. I love her to bits but I was ready to fall asleep before I got there, so having two quite boistrious children running round wasn't overly appealing. I guess when I eventually have children I won't notice. And when I'm feeling energetic I quite like being round kids but I think for the next few years I'll stick to being career focused and enjoy the pleasures of my youth.

I admire Lauren. I think she's brave having a kid by herself. Me? I'm still learning to look after myself lol xoxoxoxo

Not mine - the marketing budget.

Scary stuff actually because they've done right in the middle of the financial year so pretty much everything we've planned we've had to cancel including our Harry Potter screening and the panto which I really like!!!

Ah well. I spose if there are less events it more time for me to concentrate on the database.

Oh btw - got an interview next week for a legal firm as CRM exec - basically being the primary person looking after the database. No events (yay!), no real creative stuff (boo!) big pay rise (yay!) in Bradford (but right near the train station so only a little boo). It's only a ninterview though so don't get your hopes up!!!!

Off for lunch now cuz I'm staaarrrrrvvvvviiiinnnnngggggg

xoxoxoxox

Well I turned up - extremely aprehensive. He told me that he was extremely sorry for keeping pulling me back. I told him he was an arsehole. He said he knew he'd mucked everything up. I told him he was shallow, selfish and arrogant.

We spent the next hour mainly with me putting him down and him agreeing. He offerred me a lift home and I accepted (I know what you are thinking) when we got in his car he took my hand and I let him hold it for a few seconds but then pulled away. He asked me to kiss him and I said no. I think it was only then that he really realised 100% that nothing was ever going to happen between us.

He kept saying that he wanted to hld me and kiss me etc but I just kept telling him we were over. When we got back to mind I told him that there was a part of him that I loved but that the rest of him was an arsehole and that he could never be the man I wanted. I gave him a hug and told him I'm always around to chat to but that I'm moving on with my life. He knows I've been on dates but he's know idea how serious it is between me and M.

The weight has been lifted and I'm free!!

xoxoxox

Mr F called this morning. Said that I shouldn't worry too much about meeting him, that he realised he was just pulling me about and that he shouldn't and that he just wanted to talk about being friends. How many times does this guy change hismind. Anyway, was meant to be meeting him tomorrow night but have decided to bring it forward - a way of ripping of the bandage so to speak. I need to get this 'chat' over and done with and tonight is as good as any.

At the moment I'm not really sure what the outcome is going to be. Mr F and I have always joked that we will never really ever be apart again whether thats as friends or lovers and despite the fact that in reality i know I should break all contact, let's face it. It's just not going to happen.

Anyways, i finish at 5.30pm and thenoff to meet him at Bar Ha ha. Probably a good place to meet as it's not somewhere any of my friends go and therefore I won't have to explain anything to anyone.

I'm scared - more because i can see me leaving with tears streaming down my face - better buy some tissues on the way there!!!

xoxoxox

Ok got really annoyed yesterday evening because despite me telling Mr Flash to fuck off and leave me alone (in a slighty nice email) he not only started emailing back but then added me as a friend on facebook. On facebook you can only see my page if you are my friend so I'm guessing he wanted to see what I was up to.

Anyways last night was also boardroom drinks and we all know what state I get into then. Anyways after several glasses of wine I went home and then onto the pub to meet Charls, blonde, sid and blondes date. on the way I text Mr Flash asking why he had added me - i do dumb stuff when I'm drunk! Anyways he rang me and explained that He'd spoken to his ex and that she was moving on and he wanted me. I asked him what as and he said as a girlfriend.

WHAT????!?!!!!!!!????!!!!!!!

The thing I have been wanting him to say more than anything and after he's been such a shit to me. well he's too late. I'm staying with M. Plus the way he said it made me feel like he couldn't get what he wanted (i.e his ex) and I was second best. What made it worse was that he text me afterwards saying "God i feel very foolish now I thought you said if i got to that place you would be there x" Ummm...... yeah I said that like weeks ago. However since then I have told how angry I am with him and i dont want to hear from him. Well I've decided to meet him in town and explain to him very clearly face to face that I don't want him in my life because lets looks at the facts:
1) He was a client when I was an escort. He will always remind me of that and I will always have to lie about where and when i met him
2) He was never supportive about my self harming. in fact he threw me out of his house.
3) He has put me down about the way i dress, act and basically called me a slut
4) He has used me for his own pleaseure and ignored me when it's not been convenient for him
5) His job gets in the way (and he's not left so it still will)
6) He has a daughter (I don't really want that type of baggage in my life)
7) He can't socialise with my friends
8) My friends don't like him (in particular Lauren)
9) He's been charged with assulting his ex and stalked her on facebook
10)He's a selfish, self absorbed, arrogant dickhead.

Nuff said, will let you know how it goes.

Tonight however I am off to meet M and his workmates along with Charls and blonde. My liver has never known such abuse!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxox

I just sent this to Mr Flash. I know it's for the best but I can't help feel just a little sad.

Hi

Love always

He has started emailing me now. I swear to god I did not initiate it but that man. THat pathetic excuse for a human being got back in touch. I haven't spoken to him for over a week and he gets back in touch saying he's messed up his phone and lost all his numbers. and what do I do? give it to him. Fucking hell that would have been an ace reason to break contact for good and me being the dumb bitch that I am started emailing him back.

Full conversation below - my responses in blue

whats your mobile number I stupidly deleted all my contacts upgrading the software on my phone !! IT guys don't do backups ... they should ;-) how are you ?
xxxxx xxxxxx I'm good thanks
Yes I'm fine too thanks for asking lol
Sorry just trying to concentrate on something that isn't doing what I what it too
no not Sales Logix ? grrr have other regions been cocking things up x
No it's an invitation to the Harry Potter screening in November. A case of me trying to run before I can walk on photoshop
close your eyes and remember the word's of you lecturer ... use the force hunney x
It's Harry Potter not Star Wars you geek
close your eyes and remember the word's of Albus Dumbledore... use the force hunney x
You must not be busy
yeh things slowing down a bit at last thank gawd ;-)
figured. You haven't emailed me this much in months
but you like it though ? I'm going home soon
I don't know. Feels wierd

Argh I'm so annoyed with my self.  Lauren told me I should tell him to fuck off and die. However I explained that probably wouldn't go through the work email filter!!!!  M has invited me out to meet his mates on Saturday and I am determined to go as his girlfriend.  Mr Flash is a dick and I hate him and I'm moving on.  Period!!!

OMG last night was just fantastic. Had a housewarming for Charl. Only a few people came (well about 15 - 20 of us) but it was great. Every one mixed, everyone drank (alot!!) and everyone had a great time including M.

M was great he spoke to everyone, had a laugh and even invited half of them to his birthday party next weekend lol. And in my drunken state I got him to define our relationship. Seems we're official! I'm actually really happy about it. It was a bit sooner than I wanted to get into a relationship -we've only been dating 3 weeks - but i am pleased that nothing has happenned with anyone else. i was a bit unsure that the spark wasn't quite right with M but seeing him with all my friends made me feel so much better about him. I've never known a guy who was so willing to talk to everyone. one of my housemates - sid - adores him and kept bouncing up to me last night to say how great he was.

I'm still feeling a little apprehensive but i guess thats a good thing cuz it means i wont go ruching like i did with Mr F. BTW i haven't spoken to him and I'm barely thinking about him now. Most of my man thoughts seem to be focused on M which can only be a positive thing.

Back to work tomorrow and I really can't be asked. I so need some proper time off!! My cousin's wedding is in 3 weeks. half looking forward to it, half dreading it. I'm sure it will be fine. It's just it's with my dad's side and I never feel 100% around them. I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing.

Only 8 1/2 weeks till i got to Oz. WOOP WOOP!!!!

xoxoxox

Don't you just love it!!

SO anyways like I said i can't see M again till Sat. Well I can. i could see him after work today but I want to go home and chill. Tomorrow I'm at a 'networking' event (i.e chance to get drunk but there are free beauty treatments!!) and Friday i'm off to Chester.

Back to the facebook flirting.....

Quite a while ago our company got involved in a dragon boat race. Being forced into being team captain i had to go along to various meetings. At the first of which I met S. We got along brilliantly and swapped emails at the end (numbers are so last week lol). We swapped lads of emails but never had chance to meet up again as he had to drop out of the dragon boat thing.

The flirting inevitably moved onto facebook (like everything in my life seems to!) and now that he's back from holiday it looks like we might just get chance to meet up.

But what about M? I hear you gasp. Don't you worry, I'll still be seeing him and he is absolutely lovely. However, after the whole Mr Flash saga I'm not going to be tying myself down just yet!

Btw saw Lauren last night for the first time in ages. I love catching up with her over a bottle of wine and chinese. We seemed to have loads to talk abou too (well I guess I haven't seen her in a month and alot can happen!). Her ex is being a dick as per. But atleast he's now admitted he has a drug problem. She and little un are fine tho. Little un is just as gorgeous as ever and to be fair Lauren is turning into a completely Yummy Mummy (but then I always knew she would).

Unfortunately she's off to Blackpool this weekend so can't come to Charl's housewarming but now that she's got some babysitter's on tap she should be able to start living again. Woo hoo!!

xoxoxox

Good afternoon all

Last night I had date number 3 with M. I'm classing it as a separate date as technically I did go home inbetween. Last night I didn't though he he.

We went to the cinema to watch Hancock (brilliant film!!!! - but make sure you watch it right to the end (there's an extra bit during the credits)) and then went up to Fab cafe to have a few drinks. I've never been there before but it is a pretty cool place. And thankfully as i had decideto have a bit of a rock chic theme to my outfit, I didn't look too out of place.

Anyways, we had a couple in there and I said I needed to get some cash and we decided rather than go to another bar we would go back to his as he had a bottle of champagne (for being so brilliant at work). The champagne got us into this wierd state where we had one of those really really gooddeep conversations. Made me feel a whole lot better about him anyway - the fact that I could sit there and talk to him without it being awkward. Champagne also makes me highly frisky and by the time we'd finished we were pretty much all over each other.

The sex was amazing. By god that boy has stamina. He's not bad with his hands and tongue either . And if i thought last night was good, this morning was even better!! We finished the morning curled up on the sofa eating bacon sandwichess it was prettyt damn good. And the best bit is he started texting me just as i got home. Definate bonus points for not waiting. Guys that do that are so annoying!

Not going to get to see him again till next saturday. we're having a housewarming for Charls. Not sure how many people are actually gonna show up. They'll probably be just a few of us that end up in town or summat.

I've not heard from mr Flash which is a good thing. But i do know he's got his daughter this weekend. Not that I'm expecting his call or anything. I am going to turn my life around and I need to get rid of him completely cuz he's just going to keep dragging me back. I'm also back on track with the not smoking thing. i am determined to do it. had a bit of a setback this weekend but I will quit!

xoxoxo

Well last night was date number two with M. Unfortunately things didn't quite go to plan. Don't worry readers, it all worked out in the end but the start was well unexpected.

So you're all aware of mr Flash (yes him....again). We had a massive argument a week ago which ended with me putting the phone down on him. I knew he'd phone again (he always does) but I thought it would be atleast 3 weeks or so (he thinks he's making me sweat). Anyways just as i'm getting ready for date number 2 the phone rings and his name is flashing. I honestly have to admit he was the last person I expected to be calling. Right before a date my mum is the most likey suspect!!!!

The first conversation didn't last long (yes i did say first). I asked him why he was calling and that I was going out with friends (i don't want him knowing about my personal life just yet). He said he was going out too (in that 'Anything you can do.....' voice he's so good at) I was extremely cold with him and put the phone down pretty quickly.

Anyway he phoned back asking why I was being so cold. Sometimes i want to forward him the link to this blog just so he can see how much he's mucked my head up!!! We chatted for a bit but I was still pretty cold.

And he phoned back a third time. This got heated, then got emotional and then I put the phone down cursing him because he'd managed to completely insult me but in a 'I'm your friend and i'm only telling you this for your own good' kind of way. Basically he was telling me I was a tart and that i needed to tone it down a bit. Errrr hello????? i know I am it's a fucking defense mechanism. If people just want to see me as a fun person then it stops them getting too sentimental with me, stops me getting too close to them and therefore stops me getting hurt when they eventually leave.

The problem with Mr Flash is that he got past all that which is why I feel so messed up over him.

Anyway, i cleaned myself up, finished getting ready and caught the bus over to M's house. Picking up some cigs on the way (yes I know!!! - I'll cut back first). Got to his and we immediately held hands but there was no kiss. At his we ordered pizza and watched a couple of films. It took me most of the night to get cuddled up to him (despite the fact that I was on the same sofa he never made a move!!). I did it quite slowly though. I don't want to be too obvious round him cuz he just doesn't seem that type of guy. All we did was kiss(honestly!!!). And not even the type of 'i wanna rip your clothes off but I can't' kissing just nice, lost in the moment kissing. It was ace.

Only embarrassing thing was that I fell asleep on him (well we were really comfy and it was really late). I got a taxi home around 1am and straight away just curled up.

mr Flash called again this morning. Apparently after our little chat he didn't much feel like going out (awww i've got my violin out). He's such a knob. M might just be a rebound but he might just be what i need.

xoxoxoxox

ps I've got another date with M tonight - we're off to the cinema at The Light in Leeds

pps Has anyone been watching Gossip Girl? How good is that programme????!!!!!!!

I am doing something which is good. in fact it's very good. It's all part of my turning point. I'm giving up smoking. It's been over 24 hours. Around 26.5 to be precise since I took my last drag. I think I've eaten more today than in total over the past week. I feel sluggish and lousy and I just pray to god it's going to get better.

Does anyone know of a way that I can still supress my hunger just a little whilst I do this? I've done well to get to a nice shape on the slim size of 12 and I really don't want to lose it. especially since i've just started dating again.

One problem with this dating thing though - M smokes. Hmmmmm.

xxxxxx

Hello gorgeous people!!

Despite the grey clouds I am in an excellent mood. Now normally when me and Mr Flash have problems I mope around, but as part of the whole 'turning point' thing (see yesterday!) I have decided not to dwell on a prat like him and fully embrace the dating game. Starting with M. Met M for lunch today. We went to a great little spanish tapas bar called La Tasca. We shared a couple of little dishes and talked, and talked... and talked! No awkward pauses. Atleast no obvious ones. And........ before lunch was even up he'd asked me out again!!!!!

YAY!!!!

xxxx

It's apparently only been a week since my last entry but it feels alot longer than that. So what's been happenning? Well in truth not alot. Well certainly not a lot thats new.

Work is still pretty busy but in a managable way which is good. I'm getting home on time, not stressing as much and generally feeling life is a little easier. Also I've completely given up the night job and despite being broke, I'm alot happier. I'm not having to lie to anyone. I'm not having to stay in on an evening just in case I get job. it's like a weight has been lifted.

Mr Flash and I have been going through the motions. Saying that we love each other and then he barely speaks to me. It's getting annoying and for the last few weeks I feel like I've put my life on hold. I think that's why the one night stand happenned. A little bit of a rebellion. Anyway Friday night I went out with Char (who is officially one of the most fun people I have ever met!) and ended up snogging this very cute recruitment consultant - M. We swapped numbers but that was it - mainly because Char had already gone home and I'd agreed to meet Mr Flash in Headingley.

M has hasked me out for a lunch date and I'm going. I told Mr Flash (saying that I'd turned him down) and Mr Flash's responses? 'You should go for it, you should be happy. I can't offer you what you need'. Well atleast he's being honest (for once!) and although he's said it before I'm in a slightly different headspace right now. I've got my own friends for a change and don't feel I need to be with someone to have a social life.

All in all I think I am at a turning point in my life and whilst I won't cut him off completely I'm beginning to wonder if I sahould take my own advice and wean myself off Mr Flash. I know I must have said this a million times but this time it is different. why you ask?
1) I'm upset but not half as bad as I have been
2) I have a better support network - Lauren has had her own problems over the past few months but me Char and blondie (lives across the street / works with Char) are on a mission to get out and about in Leeds - meet lots of eligible men (* please see note below by what I class as eligible!) and get ourselves fabulous boyfriends who we love.

Right 'eligible'. Bear in mind that any man I get with has to fit in with BOTH my families (an extremely tall order but not impossible!!)
1) intelligence - I like a man I can have a debate with. Particularly politics, as well as what clothes look good, music and the best bars in Leeds (clearly Prohibition wins this last one)
2) looks - well I do need to fancy him!!! Doesn't have to be your standard good looking. I am a firm believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder (I've seen the type of guy Char likes and well ummmm definatelly not my type!)
3) Not live with their rents! (obvious)
4) Not have children - getting to be a little difficult this one but they definately score bonus points if they have no offspring from previous relationship
5) sense of humour - they MUST MUST MUST make me laugh otherwise there's no hope for them
6) A good job. My dad's families have all excelled and whatever they have done. Although not management or anything, my mum is still a very well respected nurse. Plus I just want to be able to show them off a little. I'm a ambitious marketing assistant and I want someone who is going to stay at my pace professionally or give me the encouragement to work harder.

Of course I would love the whole nice car, nice house and lots of money thing, but that's what Mr Flash has and to be honest I want someone who still got a bit to strive for. Gives them more passion for life.

xxxxx

And there I was being so good and so faithful and I have to mess things up. Well not entierly because Mr Flash isn't going to get to hear about it but still I feel terrible. Went out with the girls last night and I will admit - I looked good. low cut black top with short black skirt, red shoes and red accessories. My hair was just blow dryed out and looked naturally glam (I love it when it does that!) and we were all in a really giddy mood.

Have to admit my confidence did sky rocket when I managed to pull 2 mins after stepping inside Prohibition last night. This guy used the old 'I work for a magazine' line. He said he worked for GQ. As if. He gave me his number but I was like why don't you give me your business card - he came up with some excuse about his secretary got jealous when women phoned him. Hmmmmm. Whatever. He was cute though so I gave him a little kiss.

But he isn't the one I'm guilty about. Theres this website called city socialising. I joined up ages ago but have to admit that I've never used it. Umm hello - facebook! Anyway Char had asked some guy from it who was very cute in his picture. Not so cute in real life. His friend was tho and after a few vodkas and a couple of shots of black sambuca later (that stuff is evil) we were chatting and kissing quite alot. Still fairly innocent until you realise that I said goodbye to him around 10.30 this morning when he left my house. Ooops.

He's added me on facebook but I'm going to tell him that last night was a one off. I've come so close to getting Mr Flash. I'm not going to ruin it all because of a one night stand.

Anyway my body is currently still recovering from 3 nights of abuse. Another night has been offered this evening but I'm going to have to turn it down. I've got to be on a train to Newcastle at 8.12am tomorrow. Fuck fuck fuck. can't be asked with it!!!!

The work BBq on Thursday was pretty good. Lots of silly games, a free bar and a silly disco. I ended up meeting Frankie later on and going to Space. There had been a police raid literally seconds before so there were no goodies on offer so I went home early.

Last night Char came and met me after work and we went to Lazy Lounge for Middy's leaving do. Was quite amusing as we wwere able to have a little joke about our fling with no-one realising. Ended up leaving quite early because a) was pretty drunk and b) am meant to be going out tonight. It's currently pouring down with rain though so might just stay in with a couple of bottles of wine.

Guess what else happenned at the summer BBQ?????? Mr Flash called me! We were on the phone for about 45 mins and although I wasn't drunk, I had had enough to loosen my tongue and I told him a few home truths. i told him that I loved him, that I didn't want anyone else, that I didn't want him going with anyone else. He said he felt the same..but (youknew it was coming) there is a whole big thing going on with his ex which he needs to get out of the way. I briefly chatted with mymate Iz after and her view was that he was trying to protect me. To stop me from getting caught up in something that I don't need to worry about. THing is I do worry ahbout him and I want nothing more than to be with him. Properly. Permanently. God I sound like a stalker. I'm not, I've just never felt like this before. CLiche I know lol xxxxx

Oh my god things need to slow down. My head is spinning. Days seem to be melting into one at the minute. Sunday I managed a lazy day, Monday I was in the Bradford office, Tuesday I flew (yes flew) to Heathrow to go to a conference in Windsor. We got there really early, had nothing to do so ended up in a bar (as you do) and I got severely burnt shoulders!!, yesterday was the actual conference and our flight back was really late so didn't get in till 10.30pm, today is my first proper day in the office but i'm leaving early to go to the work BBQ, tomorrow I have training in the morning and after work meating Char for some drinks and for a mates leaving do (middy the one night stand is off to Oz for 4 months - and no I'm not going to visit him!), sat I might be off to a BBQ, Sunday I might be out for an ex's bday - interesting story which I will elaborate on and Monday I'm in Newcastle for a golf tournament.

I so need a day off!

Any way the ex.Gonna call him GTi cuz he's car mad. anyway me and GTi had a brief relationship which broke up as he wasn't over his ex. To be fair she had dies less than a year previous so he had a fairly good excuse! We stayed friends and recently we have been texting lots. Nothing is going to happen because I want to keep him as a friend and I just don't fancy him anymore. But it has been nice hearing from him again.

Mr Flash hasn't been in touch for ages aprt from one text on Sunday to say he was working. I knew things would fall on their arse with him and I've been proved right. I'm not overly upset because I was expecting and because we all know he's a knob. Not going to say that I'm not going to see him again because blatantly i will. However, I am being good still and still haven't slept with anyone else bar Mr Flash since going to liverpool.

Right must get some work done!!!!

xxx

This past week has been stupidly busy. tuesday as you are all ware i felt like shit. Wednesday went better and we had another big dinner in the afternoon which unfortunately didn't go to plan as the service was shit but i've left it to the boss to sort out. I don't get paid enough to argue with people. And anyway Wednesday night was great because i got to see mr Flash.

I'd been pissed off because he'd gone awol but i have to admit although it was his complete stupidity that got him in trouble he did have a very good excuse for not being round to answer my calls - he was locked up in a cell underneath Leeds Magistrates. His ex accused him of hitting her (not true) and he got put on bail. He wasn't meant to contact her but he did to talk about them two being friends and about their daughter and she called the police (vindictive cow). Anyways it was just lovely to curl up woth him. I was on my period so we couldn't have sex but that didn't stop us doing other stuff and me having one amazing orgasm!!!

Thursday night i got invoiited out to a captains table at The Living room (a great Restaurant on Greek Street) and Friday night I went out for drinks to say goodbye to one of my best mates from work - who drunkenly told one of the lads that i'd slept with someone from work - i was not impressed!!!!!!)

The yesterday we were part of a dragon boat race. Despite my horrible hangover it was really good. I can barely speak today due to all the screaming and shouting. Am hoping to see mr Flash tonight but not sure. It's Char's first night in the house and I also wanna stay in and share a bottle of wine with her. Thing is I'm in London Tues and Weds next week, Thurs we have our work BBq and if it's anything like last year I wont get in till 4am and Friday is Middy's leaving do (the one I slept with) and sat I think I'm going to BBq with Char so i won't get to see him again till next Sunday. It sucks but in a way is good because I'm busy I don't pine for him as much!!

xxxxxx

Yesterday was horrible. I was left feeling completely demoralised and incompetant due to a few measley place cards. Yes I know cowbag the first wants the event to be perfect but does it really matter if the edge of one letter ever so slightly over lips onto the bit you cut off?

Anyway it ended up with me practically in tears going back to Staples for the fourth time in a week to get more stuff. I'm sick of that place. I was on the verge of going home and ending it all - I really did feel that bad. Don't think it had helped that I'd not eaten and not slept.

Last night I got home and all I wanted to do was speak to Mr Flash but he's gone awol (typical!). He emailed me Monday to ask about my phone. I told him about the party. He asked if I'd slept with anyone (I hadn't!) and I flipped. So much for me trying to better myself and prove to everyone that I'm not slut. I guess he has reason to think like that but you'd think he'd have alittle faith in me. Anyway I've not spoken to him since.

I just want today to be over. I want this week to be over. I have a new housemate moving in at the weekend. She's great and it will be so so nice to have a fun girl in the house. Someone to have a glass of wine with on an evening!

Oh well back to the daily grind xxxx

Bad luck always comes in 3's I was once told.

Getting into an argument with a friend has got to be one. Being annoyed by a partner at the firm - not sure i can count that as two as it happens all the time but having my phone stolen?????? Definately a second. I've just left a house party at mine to come use the computer at work cuz some dickhead has come into my house and stolen my phone - not impressed!!!!!

More so as it has the most recent photo of my mum and two pictures of Laurens baby on it. Neither of which I've saved onto my computer. I'm not fussed about the rest of it - numbers I can replace but pictures? Once taken never forgotten and I already miss them.

Can't belive some fuck head would do that. And it's not even insured - my fault but still!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thought not. Ah well.

Libby land has been extremely busy of late which is why I've not posted. So a lil catch up...

Work
Sort of going swimmingly. The boss has been off so I've been a little more relaxed - maybe a little too relaxed which is why I'm in on a saturday. Just getting some menus and place cards printed. They're really really fiddly so kind helps if i'm cencentrating and not chatting away to someone! One of the partners did do my head in tho yesterday. I don't really know much about the client relationships here. i don't need to so there is very little I can add to a table plan. And yet he still made me sit in his office for hald an hour (repeatedly putting me down and telling me how to use excel!) while he put them together. Half an hour where I could have been doing something far more constructive!

Mr Flash
Not actually seen Mr Flash since last Sunday but we have been on the phone to each other every night. He was full of hayfever last night and was all bunged up and sounded quite sweet. He has his daughter over this weekend which is why I haven't seen him yet but I am seeing him tomorrow. YAY!

Lauren and baby
Frankie's not gonna be best pleased when he reads this because I wqas meant to take him with me, but I went to see Lauren and her very gorgeous, very cute, extremely chilled out baby last night. I generally find all babies pretty ugly but I am in love. Lauren text just as I was leaving to say that she was ready for the odd visitor and I wasn't going to give up an oppotunity to see my best mate despite feeling shattered. Stayed for a couple of hours and was holding baby for most of that time. I honestly thought she'd scream as soon as she came near me but I was pretty good with her. Kinda wierd now tho thinking I was holding something that was just a few days old!

other stuff
A girl from my past who I'm sort of friends with again but can never completely forgive cuz she screwed me over got in touch asaking if I'd seen these two girls she used to work with. One had added me on facebook but I haven't actually spoken to her for about 2 and half years, the other I can't even remember what she looks like. Anyway I'm meant to have told them that this girl was a coke addict that had ended up in re-hab. Not quite true I would have told somebody (not sure who) that she was a coke addict who'd ended up in hospital after a breakdown, had completely ripped me off and generally gone off the rails (well I was extremely angry at her at the time). But I didn't tell these two girls. I've not spoken to them. So anyway the girl spent most of the afternoon and the evening emailing and texting me having a go. For once I did the most sensible thing I could. I ignored her. I deleted the messages before I had chance to read them. She always was pretty venemous so I can imagine what was in them but I actually decided to be an adult and not get drawn in to her twisted little games. I'm rather proud.

Oh and I've still not had sex with anyone but Mr Flash since my night out in Liverpool. It may be boring but it's quite an acheivement for me! xxxx

I've put a very sceptical hmmmm on the end of that title because.... well..... when things start going really well, it is inevitable that something will eventually go catastrophically wrong. So what exactly is going right?

Well for one I seem to be on top of things at work. Both the venues are sorted. I've had replies back from 80% of my guests, the menu designs are sorted and the partners are....well..... happy.

Second my beautiful best friend has had her baby. I still haven't seen her yet as she's got a bit of an infection so they are limiting guests at the hospital. I'm going to wait till she gets home. But very very excited.

And third...... I know you are all gonna be very sceptical at this one but my relationship with Mr Flash seems to be progressing extremely well. He'se phoning me lots, taking time to listen to me and generally doing that whole sharing and caring thing you would expect of a partner. I text him last night saying I didn't know what had changed but it was definately alot better. His response? 'Good. Let it continue x'. Could it be that things could actually work out this time? We have been seeing each other on and off for 7 months. For me thats fairly long term ha ha. I do love him. Still feeling very cautious but very optomistic. As i'm forever saying in the office. It's all good.

xxxxx