Well the 'networking' thing was a complete waste of time. As stated yesterday just a chance for a free drink - oh and a massage if I'd stuck around longer. Surely in these situations you need an introducer otherwise like me and my colleague you get stuck just talking to one another and not networking with anyone. I think I'll go back to organising them than taking part. Far more interesting.

I told married man that I thought it best he didn't come round. You may think that this was a moment of me being an adult. In fact it was Lauren bringing me to my senses and making me realised that fucking married men when you're not getting paid for it can only lead to one thing - emotional hardship.

I am generally quite good a seperating emotion and sex. How else have I managed to be an escort for 5 months. However there is a big difference and thats the money. Sex is a service I provide and nothing more. I've had fuck buddies and on the whole they are fairly fun. However to be a good fuck buddy there need to be something about them which means I wouldn't date them. Good example is Beany boy (so named because the first time I met him he had a beany hat on which he looked very cute in). He's a photographer but not any old a photographer. He does photos for mens mags / daily sport that kind of thing oh and films a bit of porn. Whilst this doesn't bug me from a friend or fb point of view I could never go out with someone with that kinda of job. Don't get me wrong I'm not bad looking (yes that photo really is me) but I've seen the women who photographs and I would just be too jealous. However I now hear he has a girlfriend. Well good luck to her, he really is a great lad and whilst I may miss the occasional shag , I am definately not envious.

I red Single man's most recent blog and have to admit that I was impressed he even got to four. Generally I find that 2 (or in some cases 1) is more than enough, unless of course the man has any brain cells in which he can use for conversation. A man that can keep me entertained for four dates deserves a bloody medal as I have the attention span of a... well....a man.

xxxx

Ok that title doesn't quite work when you don't here me say it. I say it every morning when my boss walks in and she always immediately thinks I got up to something fantastic the night before (or just generally that I'm up to something). Well as it happens I had a pretty gross night.

As I didn't get any jobs on Tuesday I was hoping I'd get atleast one last night. My phone was silent so about 10.30pm I figured nothing was gonna come through and decided to go to bed and what happens at 10.45pm? Yep you guessed it a text from the agency (they are very discrete you know) 'Micheal, 1hr, 07**, address. THis ok?' Well my first text back was 'Has he specifically asked for me and if not can another girl do it'. The answer was yes he had and no they cant. Oh crap. so dragged my little ass out of bed (not so little due to the nutella I ate this morning) and got over to a part of Leeds called the Calls. Couldn't find the guys apartment so had to park outside the church and call him. He turned out to be some slimy, ugly little Eastern European guy. The worst thing was I had to walk past a pub to get to his flat. There's me looking pretty smart and him in gross shorts and t-shirt.

Something tells me they either realised he was with an escort or I was going round for drugs. Ah well. He tried kissing me but it felt like a slug was trying to enter my mouth. Needless to say I got it over and done with asap. I told him I was new and was just nervous and got out as soon as. I don't think that money is going towards Oz, it's going towards a new outfit or something to treat myself. I think I deserve it.

Married man is coming over tomorrow night. I figure this will be the one and only time he does. I'm not really interested in him I've decided.

Got a 'networking' event to go to after work today. I've put it in silly marks because they're all just an opportunity to have a drink. I should know i organise enough of them!!

Right back to the daily grind. Got a seminar coming up in April and only just getting the invites today so need to get the letters printed off pronto as the mailing house are picking them up tomorrow.

Have fun people and keep smiling! xxxx

Some cheeky fucker called Ann011 has just left a comment which was basically some ad for bags and watches. Not impressed and if anyone else tries the same trick they will be promtly reported.

This blog is for my general ramblings and for people to give their opinions on them. I will not have people ruining for adverts for tat!!

Nuff said xxx

Oh dear and here you all were expecting me to write that I had an amazing night and that for once there would actually be a fairytale ending. Alas no. Here's what happenned.....

Arrived at about 7.20pm looking extremely sexy - just a black babydoll and stockings under my coat. Got in and started with the passionate romantic kisses that Mr Flash is so perfect at. He went to get some wine and looked back at me just saying 'wow' over and over again (so far so good) and then shit fuck oh my god worse thing ever happens, he notices my leg (remember the four big gashes from last week??) I couldnt lie to him (he knew I'd done it the past) so I tried just saying don't worry they're nothing but he wasn't having any of it, and using his daughter as an excuse promtly turfed me out of his house.

Tried speaking to him but he didn't want to know. I can honestly say it's been months since Ive done that and it wouldnt be so bad except it was him messing me about so much that drove me to it this time (expertly pointed out by Lauren last night). I love that girl. She had a glass of wine and cigs waiting for me when I got home (I'd text her on the way) and we sat for a couple of hours just chatting. We came to the conclusion that if he couldn't love every part of me then the best thing I could do was walk away.

Sad news I know but life goes on and I will find a man who really loves me. In the meantime I have my friends, my family and my job. Relationships are such small part of life. The rest of my life is actually pretty good so I'm not gonna feel to down about it. Ive still got a smile on my face today xxx

No jobs todays. i'm officially 'on call' for the night job until 7pm but its very rare that you get a call during rush hour. You would have thought that would be the perfect time. If wifey asks where he's been it's a simple case of 'Sorry love traffic was hell, the motorway was completely blocked' easy peasy. Oh dear have I just given men ideas?

I am actually down as bi-sexual on the site. Im not but I do get a kick out of sleeoing with girls and the majority of porn I watch (and I watch alot of it) involves girl on girl etc.

Sorry that all went a bit random. This is the only problem when you have days off with nothing to do you end up climbing the walls.

just had to sort out some internet access. One of the housemates is leaving today and taking it with him (well i guess it is in his name). He's been so selfish and I just cant stand him at the min. We were best freinds but I will be rather pleased once he's gone. We'd had plans to move out together but then he had an almighty fight with Lauren, dropped me and is moving into some flat with a 'friend'. I put that in silly marks because i've known him for 2 years now and Ive never once heard of this girl. But then gay boy doesn't really have many friends. It was his birthday in December and only me and Lauren turned up. Felt quite sorry for him but if you knew him you would probably understand why no-one really him.

Going round to see Mr Flash later. very very very excited!!! Will tell you all thedetails tomorrow xxx

He called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so fucking happy you would not believe. Oh and he's not married. Never has been. just unfortunately has a kid from a previous partner a mental IT job and is currently in the middle of having to sell his house because his ex wants her equity. But he called!!!!!!!

We were on the phone to each other for an hour. Mainly talking about how much we love each other and I'm going to see him tomorrow night. God I can't wait. My heart misses a beat everytime his face comes into my mind. I swer Im gonna be dead soon cuz my heart is just gonna stop or explode or something.

He said that we are going to be together once he gets the new house sorted. Might even be going with him on sat to help him look and then stay round and go for breakfast on Sunday. This was always one of our favourite things. Theres a cute little cafe in West Park (a suburb of Leeds) which does the nicest breakfasts and you can just sit their and read the paper. Every so often I used to look up at him engrossed in some article. Just gorgeous. I know he used to do the same to me.

Sat here in just his sweater now. He hasn't worn it in weeks and yet I can still smell him on it. I'm sooooo happy. And yeah ok maybe its not achieveable long term but I dont fucking care. This man is......... the one xx

On other news I now have £1000 of my £1500 target for Oz woo hoo!!!!! xxx

Hahahahahahahahahahahahah

Thats me not being able to stop laughing since my last job. The got undressed and had a fake knob on. No i'm not talking absolute cock (geddit!) He had this plastic thing on the end of it from a joke shop. It was hilarious!!!

i've had some funny clients but he takes 1st prize.

xxxx

Mr Flash has just called and head & heart is all gooey - although that may have something to do with me just waking up too.

Oh god I miss him like crazy. He's promised he'll make time to see me this week. Work has just been mental. He even said come round tomorrow night when he has his daughter round - hemust miss me.

I keep trying to get over him and it's not happenning. He knows I'm back at the night job and I dont care. He'll have to deal with it. I'm not giving it up like last time if im never going to see him. i suppose its a way of waiting for him whilst still getting on with my life.

He said he'll call onight. God I hope he does. His voice, the thought of his arms round me, his kiss, being snuggled up in bed with him, making love to him in front of his open log fire (cliche but completely fantastic!), even standing at his back door having a cig just gets my heart pumping.

Oh why oh why does he have to have baggage and be busy all the time????!!!!! Why can't he just make a little more time for me and why can't I ever get over him????

I've only been up for an hour and already this day feels like it could be the most heartbreaking one of my life xx

You write something then something else happens.

Married man text me wanting to come see me. He even offered to go for drinks first. I just told him I knew what he wanted and there was no need to butter me up. Plus I couldn't be bothered getting dressed up enough to go out. Anyways turns out he's drunk (shock horror!) and could he could he come tomorrow instead when he's sober (as if he'll ever get round here!!)

Found out that Lauren has been texting her ex again. Bad move. he's an idiot. Remember I told you Lauren got herself knocked up. Well it could be one of 2 guys. Either phycho ex or big ears (both names I feel are fairly self explanatory!) Big ears was a twr (two week relationship). To be honest neither guy is the type you want as a father for your child but shit happens. But she was with psycho for 4 years and can't quite leave him alone despite everything he did to her. I liked him when I first met him but your feeling change when you have to watch your best friend get photographed by the police for eveidence and then get called in to give a statement becasue he denies beating her up in the middle of a busy street. Knob head got let off too. Apparently not enuf evidence. The British justice system can be such a joke sometimes. I had an abusive boyfriend once who was in the army. They warned him and that was it. Wouldnt even take him to court after he stole my fucking credit card. It might only have been £400 butsurely it's the priniciple???!!!!!

Good news though just found out that Freak boy (one of the housemates) is definately not coming back. We all thought he was strange when he moved in a couple of months ago. Well you would if someone said they'd been adopted and that the MOD - yes the Ministry of defense - had forged your birth cirtificate. Well he went missing bout 3 weeks ago. Turns out he's had a mental breakdown. I do feel sorry for him. Iknow from my own experience that mental health can be hard to maintain but atleast he's getting the help he needs now.

It's Sunday so lets hope the rest of the evening is relatively quiet. Have told the agency I can work during the day tomorrow and Tues since I have the days off my office job. does mean I can do incalls (at a flat) rather than have to go to hotels or men's houses. I dont if I'm working in the evening as i know a girl that lives in the next block of flats. Had to really think on my feet when I went round one evening to have my photos done. She and everyone it seems knows whats going on in there. But then it's pretty easy to work out which flatsare being used by escorts I guess. But just think of the money. I could easily make £500 - £700 over the next 2 days. i need £1500 for my trip to Oz in November and got bout £800 so far so soon I can go back to buying clothes woo hoo!!! xx

Ok so the date...

Well I was shaking before he arrived (15 minutes late due to a dim-witted taxi driver). He wasn't as cute as in the photos I'd seen but still not bad. 5'11, stocky, brown hair. Looked younger than his age - 22. See that was one stumbling block. He's younger than me. I've never dated younger. I didnt think women did until they reached atleast 40.

We didn't have much to say to each other and that when the night job came in handy. You learn to talk complete shit to strangers and I just fell into that. We moved on to another bar and started kissing. He wasn't bad. Not fantastic but not bad. But horror, I remembered why I dont date lads younger than me - he got a hard on. I had enough alcohol inside me to find it funny but looking back I feel quite sorry for the lad. He must have known that I knew.

Anyway we were meant to meet his friends later on to go to a club but they started pulling out so I suggested we go back to mine. I wasn't going to let the night be a complete waste afterall. All I can say was that it was like sleeping with a virgin. he kinda knew what to do but he needed showing a bit too. But he did get a little rough which is nice. Always good to have a man act like a man for a change.

So anyway I only dropped the boy off a couple hours ago. We stayed in bed watching tv and kissing. It was nice but it made me feel 16 again. and even at 23 I can say that I don't want to go there again!! Told Lauren* and she put it in the best way possible way 'he was entertainment for the night'. And it's true. But is that really all dates and sex are about? A bit of entertainment? To be fair if I want sex I have guys that can do that for me. In fact my married man text today might have to text him back.

Right re-cap: Married man is a friend of my mate's boyfriend who came out for her birthday. We ended up together that night. Only thing was he hadn't told me he was married. Not sure if it would have stopped me at the time. Probably. Maybe. Will it stop me again? i doubt it. I get paid to sleep with married men that are crap in bed. This one is good in bed. I might aswell take advantage. Ok it's bad of me I know that and Id hate to be in his wife's shoes but if she doesn't find out will it hurt her?

Ok so I did a real edited version in that 'about me' section but as we go along you'll learn more.

I am really quite ordinary. I am 23 (I didnt put my true bday on here to protect my anonymity)and I live in leeds. One of those houses which seems like a student house cuz there are so many of us but actually we all work. It's cool you meet so many people and some times you meet great friends like Lauren*. Best friend in the world and managed to get herself knocked up. I love her though and will support her no matter what, mainly cuz she supports me. She's the only one that knows about the escorting. £150 an hour to sleep with a guy. No where near as much as that Belle du Jour but hey I'm up North and its paying for an amazingly holiday later in the year.

But despite that I'm still dating. Got a date tonight in fact. Extremely nervous. He's lauren's friend and we got chatting through facebook - yes I'm on that dreaded site lol. He's very cute. Bit younger than me which is unusual. I tend to like older guys but I guess with the night job im starting to see them all as slightly pervy. Oh well it wont be forever. i tell you all how the date goes tomorrow though.

Oh and I mentioned a little thing called depression. Really I'm over it, well just I kinda just lapse every so often. I have a fair few mental and physical scars - I self harm. Not regularly. I try to stop myself before it gets that far but last Friday my head got screwed up AGAIN by Mr Flash (Bastard) I came home drunk and there I was with 4 massive gashes in my thigh. They are healing slowly. Painful tho.

Guess I better explain Mr Flash. He was a client from the night job. I dont know what it was but straight away I felt comfortable with him. He paid me for an hour I stayed for 4. For 2 months it was the most amazing relationship - I even gave up the night job for him. Then the new year came and he dropped me like a stone. We didnt talk for a couple of weeks then he saw me back up on the agency website (well it's easy money after all) called, I went round we slept together, it all seemed as if it could perfect again and then last Friday. He was out with friends and so was I tried to find him later on and he wasn't answering his phone. Sent me mental so came home and the razorblade came out. Gross I know.

Need to go buy some funky tights for tonight and chillthe vodka - I'm telling you I really am nervous. So wierd I can sleep with a stranger for money and yet the thought of getting to know someone scares the living daylights out of me. Ah well. will fill you in with the gossip tomorrow xx