I admit it. I am about as predictable as a Maths class i.e so predictable it's boring. Since Mr Flash called the other week I've tried alcohol, drugs, chocolate and sex with a new fella and nothing has helped wipe or even reduce the number of thoughts I have about him. All weekend it's been!! Everything I listen to. Hearing things on the news - especially to do with the credit crunch / mortgages etc. one because he is looking to move house and two because he is currently working on a contract with HBOS and they invariably get mentioned atleast once per week.

Anyways this morning it came to a head. The boyfriend spent the night at mine as we had to get up early (Lauren moved today but more about that in a sec). We had amazing sex last night and there he was laid beside me and all I could think about was Mr Flash. so, at around 8.30am I text him and I told him the truth. 'I still love you but you treat me like shit. I miss you too'. Stupid I know. Aboslutely stupid. It gets worse..

We'd got to Lauren's new house and just about to start unpacking and my phone goes. Guess who!! We sat and talked for twenty minutes or so. Felt comfortable. Felt good. He apologised. I chastised him. But I have to say that 90% of the converasation was quite upbeat and to be fair I'm actually still smiling. Thing was I said i'd meet him for a drink (told you it got worse).

There were a few texts that followed and I said I'd let him know what time I could meet. Bout 6pm I offered a time of 8.30pm and what did I get back? 'Sorry babe had to go into work performance test gone wrong'. He works in IT and there are times he has to be called in but I did feel disappointed and yet no-where near as bad as I would have. Think I am still gonna meet him for a drink at some point. If only to find out the dirt. He hinted that he might be having to go into a full blown custdody battle for his daughter. Seems odd as him and the girls mother have always had a relatively civil relationship.

Ok so i'm probably doing myself no favours but as lovely as the boy is, he's still just entertainment. It will never be a long-term meaningful relationship. And ok, maybe it never will be with Mr Flash but I loved him. I still love him.

Anyways..... Lauren moved out for good today. It's been all of 2 hours and I miss her. She really is more of a sister to me than just a best friend and it feels very odd not to be able to go up to her room or sit with her in the lounge. I'll still see her all the time but it's not the same. I guess part of it is that I feel she's all grown up and I'm still a kid living in a shared house. I'll grow up eventually. Till then I still have an easter egg to eat!

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