So the boy has found out - not everything. He just thinks Mr Flash has been in touch. He doesn't know that I've seen him or that anything has happenned. But the fact that I didn't tell him that he'd been in touch really hurt him and I can understand that.
I cried myself to sleep at 2am when we finally stopped texting. I love Mr Flash and he does love me but he'll never be able to commit 100%. And with the Boy? I think it's now a case of you don't know what yoou've got till it's gone. We haven't completely broke up and I hope we don't. I'm not saying I'm in love with him yet but I don't want to lose him.
Yes Mr Flash is exciting and he gets my heart pumping but he also makes me feel so weak and so used. The boy just makes me feel safe and secure and maybe for that reason I have taken advantage. The boy makes me happy and it's time to stop being selfish.
I need to use what little will power I posess to really once and for all cut myself off from Mr Flash. I have this feeling it's going to be like a drug addict coming clean. Mr Flash got under my skin in a big way and it's going to be hard to flush him out. But I have to stop being selfish and make sure everyone else is happy because it's the only way I'll be happy.

2008-04-21 @ 14:37